Epiphanies

So I was sitting in class with my 4th graders, grading their spelling tests when, all of the sudden, a thought struck me that caused me to have a paradigm shift. I realized that this was my life, now. Sitting here with the future right in front of me, I suddenly came to the conclusion that all the training, all the practice, all the "games" were over. I have a stake in the outcome of their education. I have a stake in how well they will be prepared for their future. I have a stake in everything now because now these nine and ten-year-olds are MY students, MY responsibility, MY life. And that changed everything.

Now, student teaching isn't just another clinical experience. It's not "Oh, well they aren't really my students so I don't have to worry about them". No, these young ladies and gentlemen and everything that they could be are resting on my ability to give them the best tools to learn as possible. This isn't student teaching, this is teaching with a safety net.

Now, my cooperating teacher isn't just a person that I'm taking notes on, she's a person who is here to help me be the best teacher I can to help my students to the best of my abilities. She's still the boss of the classroom, yes, but she's also my partner, here to help me. And that means that I'm here to help her, offering insight that is, yes, blatantly inadequate and text-book-ish, but insight nonetheless.

Now, my school isn't just a building that I have to visit at least once a week. It's the community, the context, the support structure, the central wheel that six years of training has brought me to. The administrators are my support staff that I can go to when I'm over my head. The 4th grade team are my fellow laborers with almost the exact same struggles that I'm going through who are able to assist me even as I assist them.

Now, my students aren't just a bunch of kids that I hang out with. They are my joy, my drugs, my motivators, and my testing ground. Suddenly their success or failure is dependent on me and how best I teach them.

Now, not in January, not after graduation, not when I get hired, not when I start setting up my own classroom, no, now, RIGHT NOW...
I am a teacher.